eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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