I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
