I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
