my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
