i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
where are my eyebrows?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
