You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
