Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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