just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
