And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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