Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
