So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize