be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize