haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
