i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
