I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
third nipple confirmed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
