Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
