she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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