so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You made out with two different species that night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
