Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
