Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
