im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
