If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
