So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my being single is dangerous.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
