I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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