Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
