shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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