It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
