What a fucking waste of an outfit
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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