A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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