I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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