is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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