wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
