So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
