honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
