I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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