Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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