U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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