White coat. Heels.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
