We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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