i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
