I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
