he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
