I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
