Your mouth is God's brothel.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
