there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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