Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
