Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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