his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
