I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
