dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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