I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
