my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
