rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize