ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
