At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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