ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
