he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
