you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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