Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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