He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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