She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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