Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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