I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
