Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
