i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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