haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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