There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
