she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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