On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
