Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
