Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
