A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
