There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
