She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
