oh god the rape fog is back!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
