you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bring me that man meat
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