Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
