I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
