seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
