Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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