If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
