Christians are straight up FREAKS
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
