Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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