Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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