My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
