Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
