Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
