we're chasing vodka with high fives
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
