I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
