when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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