He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
