I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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