Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
