4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
