And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
